What to do with your time once you’re unemployed

John C Bullas kills, dries and artfully positions flies when he's bored...
John C Bullas kills, dries and artfully positions flies when he’s bored…

Seeing as preparedness is key, I’ve compiled a list of some of the best things you can do with your time once you’re unemployed.

  • Find a corporate entity that you don’t particularly like and TAKE THEM DOWN.
  • A friend told me a story about a mysterious panther that has been spotted off a walking trail in Wollongong. Conduct a mission to locate it. But voyage at your own peril. I will not be held responsible when the panther gouges out a section of your upper thigh.
  • Shoot a time-lapse in as many different cities as you can drag your jobless ass through.
  • Volunteer your time teaching a class in something you’re good at. Even if it’s something rather silly. Here are a few I’d sign up for in a heartbeat:
      • Whistling, for those that still can’t and have tried EVERYFUCKINGTHING.
      • Understanding Inception, a detailed workshop series explaining the science behind sci-fi films. In such a class, one should be allowed to ask as many questions as they like and never be called stupid.
      • Hashtagging For Beginners, #dos and #donts? #dosanddonts? #dosand #donts?
      • The Science Behind Beat Boxing. An in-depth study of the vocal cords allowing students an insight into how it is possible to have two voices without being possessed. Spoiler: IT’S NOT.
  • Devote your life to engineering a perfect scent, the greatest perfume of all time. Call it Elon. Post the formula online in the name of open sourcing.
  • Adopt more puppies than you could ever have imagined caring for. Spend all the days rolling around on the floor with them.
  • Perform some extensive research into Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch’s family history. Lady needs a recipe.
  • Dig deep into your dark, dark soul and ignite a spark of altruism. Volunteer some time aiding the less fortunate.
  • Wolfpack it… Gather your pals, learn the lines to your favourite films and recreate them. If completed with the necessary attention to detail, this can take decades.
  • Rush small children on the street and preach to them about the technologies of old. Carry a printed newspaper just so you can fling it at them while making your point. Be sure to collect said newspaper after flinging. Lord knows if you’ll ever find another.
  • Study something, just for the heck of it.
  • Become a conspiracy nut. You’ll get to put together one of those “mad-guy” pin boards with scratchy lines of red marker that connect important clues and take shaky hand-held video footage outside the gates of government facilities. Dammit thats a good one.

Shayni Notelovitz

2 thoughts on “What to do with your time once you’re unemployed

  1. Here’s a few more I think you might’ve missed:

    – Spend between 3-6 months gathering plastic and glass bottles and cans so that you can drive to a SA/NT collection depot and trade them in for 5/10/25c each. I guess this could be a job. Actually a robot is probably already doing this.
    – Take a fluorescent vest and scout out broken traffic lights where you can step in and help direct traffic.
    – Break a Guinness World Record. There’s so many different ones that virtually everyone can break one. If you think of one that doesn’t exist, then you can organise to officially break it!

    – Do you uni work. Though why would you waste your time? It won’t get you a job now anyway.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s