What Not To Do Once You’re Unemployed

In contrast to my earlier comments, here are some of the worst things you can do with your time once you’re unemployed. 

  • Initiate a Second Life renaissance.
  • Just pop out some offspring so you have something to do/talk about.
  • Try to beat your household robot at stuff. This will inevitably lead to decreased self esteem.
  • Adopt more cats than you could ever have imagined caring for. Spend all the days rolling around on the floor with them… Look it’s probably not the worst, but I’d avoid it.
  • Cultivate a vege patch on your window sill. NOPE.
  • Watch all the seasons of Jersey Shore/Geordie Shore without the subtitles so that you have to keep rewinding to work out what they’re even talking about only to realise nothing…. they were talking about nothing…
  • Write and produce a web series that’s just you talking to the camera about all the special things you’ve been pondering in your special, special mind.
  • Spend lots of time brewing tea for as long as those tea people say you should.
  • Stalk someone super intensely. Requires many of the conspiracy nut activities mentioned above, but in the end you’re not a misunderstood genius, you’re just a creep.
  • Look for a job. Are the horses looking for jobs? NO. STOP IT. SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR GRASS.

Shayni Notelovitz


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